What you don’t realize is that everything you think will help, won’t. 

These attempts to keep your marriage intact do little to bridge the chasm between you, and instead make it wider and deeper.  

How can this be true? Aren’t you a good person with good intentions? Don’t you love this person and want the best for both of you?

Yes. Which is why even the most well-intentioned shifts in behavior won’t help—and why the more people try them, the closer they get to divorce.

As a marriage and midlife crisis expert, I’ve seen this play out over and over.

lt’s like watching the movie Titanic today and hoping it ends differently than it did yesterday.

Words and behavior are overrated - and cannot fix your problem. 

You might think, if only he’d say this, if only she’d do this. Then everything could be fixed. (Nope.)

I understand the instinct: You have been told that words hold weight, and that actions speak louder than words. And so you’ve done a little, or a lot, of both, thinking that if you could say or do the right thing, things will change.

But they won’t — not because you don’t mean it, but because it doesn’t come close to addressing the root of the problem.

If you’re afraid you’re headed for divorce, any one of these things is like hitting the gas instead of the brakes. Find out why — and what to do instead.

For 27 years, my marriage was simply unbearable. It wasn’t just loveless; it was antagonistic. We both felt trapped and unhappy, with no way out.

That is, until I turned it around in the 28th year and transformed it into something better than either of us thought was possible.