Lisa’s Question For Larry…
“I did NOT cheat on my husband, he is convinced I did. What do I do? I have been going through this for 5 years and I am so lost on what to do. Please I really need help ASAP!”
Lisa
Larry’s Answer:
Lisa, thanks for your question. Look at your husband’s first ten years of childhood and you’ll see that there was a parent who was highly insecure and suspicious.
That suspicion is built into his brain. It more than likely has nothing to do with what you do or don’t do. He has a program that says a woman cannot be trusted and all women do is lie.
The amazing part of this is, he has no idea that this brain instruction is there.
He cannot see it. He can only see what the program tells him.
I can’t know this for sure, but from your email without knowing any additional information about your situation, he likely has a program imprinted in his brain from childhood that tells him something like “All women are liars. You cannot trust them.”
All of us obey the programs of those first ten years. Few of us can disagree with forceful messages that interpret real time events to match up with our first ten years.
You can also find a video titled “Why You Fight” which will further help to explain what the Chaos Kid phenomenon is all about.
(Please excuse the quality as the video was published some time ago!)
My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2 of those years. For the past 5 years, during arguments, I have endured A LOT of name calling. Things that are really demeaning and hurtful . Our arguments are fairly frequent (especially within this last year), so as you can guess the name calling is fairly frequent. We have had many discussions about the way he makes me feel when he does this. He has acknowledged that it is wrong, but yet continues to do it. He tells me that the things he says aren’t how he really feels and he only does it only when he is upset and I should understand that. I tell him that there is a such thing as “fighting fair” and the fact that it makes me feel so horrible he should respect my feelings and just not do it. Unfortunately after all the discussions and arguments about this problem, it is still continuing to happen. If the name calling happened just once in a while I honestly don’t think that I would be so sensitive to it, but it has been happening consistently every time we have a disagreement for the past 5 years, even during minor annoyances. Within the last year I reached my breaking point. I gave up trying to fight for my feelings, simply gave up fighting. It wore me down. I feel very distant from him and even have a hard time looking at him without wanting to crying. I want to be with him, I want things to be good between us. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I guess what I’m asking is: Am I being too sensitive about the name calling? Should I keep fighting for my feelings? Or should I move on? Is there anything I can do to change our situation to make it better?
My husband is a chaoschild, after 28 years marriage, he has a emotional affair I found out. He tells me to stop with her but I know its still going on. In your report “wifes you been warned” you say to inform the husband of the other woman….he knew in the beginning, but she has convinced him that its over. It is a very agressieve man. I know if he know’s now they will devorce, and then she is free to take in my husband. What should I do?