Let’s face it.
Something in your marriage has to change. When most women fall out of love with their husband they think they’re lacking the romance in their marriage.
Men, in this same situation, think it is sex that’s missing.
So who’s right?
Neither.
There are two needs men want and two entirely different needs that women desire.
Both men and women have no idea how to communicate these needs to each other resulting in frustration, separation and quite often…DIVORCE.
I’m going to share the 2 greatest needs of a man that 99.9% of women don’t know about their husbands – which often costs them their marriage.
If you DO meet these 2 needs for your husband, you’ll notice an immediate improvement in the way he treats you.
Why do men fall into affairs?
While every woman knows men are interested in sex, what they don’t realize is that when men have affairs, they are virtually NEVER about sex.
I’ll explain why…
Affairs are really about the 2 most overlooked and unmet needs of a man. The reason I say “overlooked” is because men can’t even explain these needs.
Because *I* a man, I’ve experienced this myself. For over 40 years of my life, I couldn’t explain my needs either.
It took me 40 years to finally identify what men really need from women…
- Men need respect
- Men need sexual intimacy
Before you jump to conclusions by saying “Oh I already knew that”, what I’m about to explain will surprise you.
Need #1: Men and Respect
Sure, men can at times appear to be like animals when it comes to women and sex, but let me tell you…..THAT’S JUST AN ACT.
If you want to see what men are really like in action, take a look at how an affair works.
A man becomes interested in a woman who is not his wife because she gives him large doses of respect on a regular basis.
And without even realizing it, this woman tells this married man (that’s a key word for you…TELL) that what he does is smart, clever, insightful, cute and all around good.
When a man hears this, something in him lights up and generates the feeling he calls respect. And as long as the woman is in pursuit of this married man, she continues to tell him these things.
Now I know this may come as a shock you, but its common practice for a woman to stop telling a man these good things once she marries him.
This man then becomes starved for RESPECT.
But instead of giving him the respect he needs, many women decide that they need to fix the man they married. They do this by telling their husband everything that he does wrong.
These women actually believe that their criticism will correct their husbands’ faults.
A good strategy? I think not.
I’ve talked about what happens when you give a man respect – and then take it away…but WHY do men need respect in the first place?
Why do men need respect?
To help you understand, picture this…
- You and your husband are at a dinner party with your friends and their husbands.
- The subject of housework comes up. You start complaining about your husband in front of him to all your friends and their husbands.
- You explain how you have to tell him more than once to take out the trash and how late he is whenever it’s his turn to pick up the kids.
- You even bring up his feeble attempt at making dinner one time.
Now here’s the million dollar question:
Why don’t women understand that telling a man what’s wrong with him will absolutely shatter any chance she ever had of getting her two greatest needs in life met by her husband?
A man does NOT want to look weak, incompetent, and stupid – especially in front of people he knows. Doing something like this to your husband or anything like it, takes away his respect and dignity leaving him feeling bitter, angry and resentful.
Now let’s move on to need #2…
Need #2: Men and sexual intimacy
Men are drawn to women who will give them respect.
Once a man is respected, he feels great. He feels that he can protect this woman from any threat. He feels that she is his most important prize in life.
The woman who respects a man is his fountain of youth. She gives him a reason to go on living in spite of the rest of the world rallying against him.
When a man feels this way emotionally, he wants to connect with this woman and to do that, it must be physical.
I’m sure you already know that men have something women don’t have. They’ve got this built-in pressure that demands to be released, some experts say, every three to seven days.
Many women have no interest in this male need and no ability to understand it. A man has a physical force in him that pushes to connect physically with the woman who respects him.
It’s not sex a man wants, its sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy is NOT sex. Sex pleases only the man, but sexual intimacy is all about a man’s ability to physically please a woman.
In order for a man to want to fulfill a woman in this physical way, it takes a lot of work, concentration and concern on his part.
- He has to be patient
- He has to focus on her
- He has to be sensitive to what she is feeling.
- If he does ALL of that, then he experiences a great reward.
This woman gives him what every man wants. The ultimate male message…“You excite me!” This is a man’s greatest reward for sexual intimacy.
I hope you’re beginning to see how respect and sexual intimacy are tightly locked together for a man.
If you criticize everything about your husband, you’re starving him and preventing him from getting what he needs to feel fulfilled in your marriage – his 2 most important needs; respect and sexual intimacy.
Now it’s your turn. Does this ring true for your marriage?
See what happens when you hold back criticism and begin paying your husband complements instead.
Let me know in the comments below.
My husband is in kind of a midlifecrisis with affair, shark eyes, emotional distance. Whe do not fight but we feel tense. I am getting better and calmer and find a bit of jou in my life again because of your course. I have to be patient and sometimes I wonder if he is still in his crisis, he does not all the bad things I haer from you, but he makes me feel bad with his overdone laughing and talking about how good he feels and how nice conversations he had that during the day, how everyone likes him so much. He turns on his music so loud every evening….everyone go’s to bed when he does that, its so terrible. But at night he tells me he loves me and don’t want to lose me, he shiffers allover and I feel his heartbeating. He even thinks I am having an affair, he is so jalous sometimes, but I am the one who’s hurt by his affair. When he gets out of bed the next morning its again the distance to me. When do I know the crisis is over so I can start talking about his painfull childhood, I don’t believe he will ever see this by himselve without help. Ok I get your point about respect, I but how can I let him know without he thinks that I don’t mean it…..he just don’t believes me anymore. I am proud and have respect for him and I know I find it hard or difficult to tell him.