Every day I hear from men and women who have tried everything under the sun to save their marriage. They’ve tried ebooks and courses, counseling and seminars.

They’ve made desperate attempts to be nice to their spouse, but in the end they’re still met with the same constant rejection (if not even MORE rejection from their spouse) than when they started.

So what’s the problem?

WHY isn’t this stuff working?

Well here’s the answer.

• If they’ve already filed or are threatening to file for divorce…
• If they are having an affair…
• If you’ve tried everything under the sun, but nothing seems to work…
• If your spouse sees you as their worst enemy…

…nothing you DO and SAY will influence your spouse in a positive way.

In fact, it’s just the opposite.

If your spouse came from a troubled home and has suddenly begun acting like a different person – everything you do and say is a threat.

For now, don’t put too much emphasis on divorce. Marriage is a legal agreement between you, your spouse and the state.

Who says you can’t get divorced in April and get remarried in May? It doesn’t matter if the divorce goes through or not. This is about you and your spouse.  You can get another legal agreement, but you can’t get another exact duplicate of your husband or wife.

I believe a marriage is over when YOU have given up.

All you’re doing by:

…Trying to STOP divorce proceedings…

…Trying to STOP your spouse from leaving…

…Trying to STOP your spouse from calling/texting other people…

…is putting yourself in an AGAINST mode. You’re putting pressure on your spouse.

And PRESSURE is the real marriage killer.

It is pressure that is driving your spouse further away from you day by day.

What you need to do right now is stop putting pressure on your spouse and let him or her make the next move.

You need to stay calm under all conditions – no matter what.

Don’t call, don’t text, don’t send flowers, letters, cards, etc. All of that is PRESSURE.

These behavior based changes create more frustration that “why didn’t you do this 10 years ago? If you could have, you would have, it’s too little – too late”.

The ONLY thing your spouse can respond to at this point is the energy that you are giving off and right now that energy is:

• TENSE – about how to act around your spouse
• ANXIOUS – about what might happen next
• WORRIED – about the emotional condition of your kids
• ANGRY – about the chaos your spouse is creating
• FRUSTRATED – about not seeing things improve
• RESENTFUL – about HIS/HER part in all of this
• FEARFUL – about what might happen next

If your spouse came from a troubled home, they are running from the childhood pain of the past. I call these people with troubled childhoods “Chaos Kids” because of the chaos they grew up in as a child.

Chaos Kid women are looking to “find themselves”, looking for happiness…Chaos Kid men are desperately seeking respect and trying to avoid conflict.

Your spouse could also be some combination of both of these.

With that in mind, why would your spouse come back to you when it’s just going to be more of the same?

The truth is, you haven’t changed.

You’re trying to suppress your negative emotions with willpower alone and sooner or later YOU WILL GIVE IN. 

It’s just too tiring “trying” to stay positive. And it’s a temporary change – your spouse knows it.

Your marriage problems have nothing to do with your situation, how far along you are in the divorce process, or what’s happened in the past weeks, months or years.

The only way to get through to your spouse when you are at this stage of marriage/divorce is by eliminating your negative emotions and understanding the source of behavior.

That is the ONLY thing your spouse can feel since s/he is so driven by emotions right now.

Doing or saying anything will be seen as a threat.

And that is what I teach my Environment Changer students how to do:

• Eliminate your anxiety, fear and feeling overwhelm…
• Shorten your spouses’ midlife crisis…
• Feel good about yourself in spite of what’s happening around you…
• Draw your spouse back by SHOWING, (not saying) that things will be different this time…
• Help your children feel secure in spite of your spouses’ meltdown…
• Creating a NEW relationship 10 times better than what you had before.

As the saying goes, “it’s always darkest before dawn”. 

One of my students transitioned from a divorced, suicidal man in financial despair – to a genuinely happy man who reunited with his wife and his children – in just 5 short weeks.

The pain you’re going through right now is happening for a reason – if you see this as an opportunity to learn rather than suffer you’ll come out a better spouse, a  parent and a stronger person in the end.

If you are serious about saving your marriage or have questions for me, you can book a private introductory session.

During this 1-hour call, I will help you make sense of your situation and so you can understand how you arrived at this point in your marriage and what you can do about it.